my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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