We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
