how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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