His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
