Screwed.edu
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So much rum. So many feels.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
