i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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