if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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