just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
