And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
