Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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