you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
