Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize