Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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