Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize