If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Are we still banned from the library?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It's shark week go big or go home
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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