dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
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I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
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Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I want a musical about memes.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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