I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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