I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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