so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
high people should be assigned attendants
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
