Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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