my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
