Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
