I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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