forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Two words: blizzard sex
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
