I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
