Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
