last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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