are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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