Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
