Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You should frame my arrest warrant.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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