I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
