Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
