Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
