Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
