Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I stole a fireplace last night.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
