those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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