Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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