If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
