You can't special order awesome
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
