it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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