I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
