was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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