You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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