I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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