You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize