you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He did a backflip because drugs
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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