just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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