I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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