we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
