new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
