Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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