I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We left the knife in your bed.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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