New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
