You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
