okay pat passed out under dana's car
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
