I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
she looked like the before picture.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
two words...techno handjob
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
