The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize