I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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