HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We're too hungover to prance.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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