R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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