She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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