i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
