Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
When did angry sex become our thing?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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