we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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