I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
