..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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