i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
