it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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