Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I forget how to act sober
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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