If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
