I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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