Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you traded sex for a burrito?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
