Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
