You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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