You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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