Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
