I forgot how hot balto sounded
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
