Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
